Reflections from the Road: Repairing the Rupture
A man and women, embracing, in the sunset demonstrating connection, love, belonging.
I’ve been reflecting on my travels this year which has taken me across continents—from the windswept coasts of Scotland for the Science of Belonging conference to recent conversations in Belgrade with Prince Alexander of the Prince’s Foundation about youth mental health and family systems. I've spent time in schools in Bangkok, Hong Kong SAR, and England, where I continue to teach, and I've listened closely to educators working tirelessly on the front lines.
And no matter where I go, I see the same thing.
Children struggling to focus. Emotions running high. Anxiety rising. Behaviour becoming more challenging. A growing sense of disconnection—from learning, from others, and even from themselves.
These aren’t isolated incidents. They are signals of something deeper: a global rupture—a quiet, steady fraying of the invisible threads that connect us to one another and to the environments where growth is meant to happen.
While much has been said about the impact of technology—screens, distractions, digital overstimulation—I believe the story isn’t complete without speaking of hope.
Because if rupture is real, so is repair.
The Repair Theory of Human Development
This is where the work of Dr. Ed Tronick and Dr. Claudia M. Gold becomes deeply relevant. I was fortunate to attend the Biology of Belonging Conference and listen to Dr. Claudia Gold, whose work surprised me. Their Repair Theory of Human Development, grounded in decades of research, offers a powerful reframe: that healthy human relationships are not defined by perfect harmony or constant attunement, but by the repeated, messy process of mismatch and repair. I love this - repeated, messy, mismatch and repair - just about sums up every relationship I can think of!
One of the most well-known illustrations of this is Tronick’s Still-Face Experiment. In this simple but powerful study, a caregiver interacts with their baby, then suddenly presents a still, unresponsive face. The baby quickly becomes distressed, trying every tool of connection—smiling, reaching, vocalising—to bring the caregiver back. When the caregiver re-engages, we see how repair—not perfection—restores trust and emotional balance.
You can watch a short video of the Still-Face DAD Experiment here:
🎥 Still Face Experiment – Dr. Ed Tronick (YouTube)
Claudia Gold expands this understanding into clinical and developmental settings, showing how children develop emotional regulation and a sense of security not through flawlessness, but through the repair of inevitable disconnections.
This idea is echoed in Attachment Theory, which suggests that even in strong, secure relationships, we’re only attuned—emotionally in sync—about 30% of the time. The remaining 70% is composed of rupture and repair. That might be surprising at first. We tend to associate healthy relationships with constant harmony. But this data reframes conflict not as a sign of dysfunction, but as an essential part of secure attachment.
Only a third of the time are we emotionally responsive and connected—providing validation, support, and understanding. The rest? It’s the work of finding our way back to one another.
Some fear that this insight might excuse poor behaviour. I see it differently. I find it deeply hopeful—because it means we don’t have to be perfect to be secure. We just need to be willing to repair.
And most of us already know how to mess up. Now we know that repair is the skill that matters most. For more research please see:
What This Means for Education and Parenting
We are living in a time when repair is needed on a systemic level.
Across classrooms and kitchen tables, I see children carrying the weight of uncertainty. Many are emotionally dysregulated—not because something is inherently “wrong” with them, but because they are reacting, appropriately, to environments that have become overstimulating, disconnected, or inconsistent.
What helps isn’t more control. It’s more connection.
A teacher who pauses to hold space instead of rushing to judgement
A school culture that places relationship before performance
A parent who chooses presence over distraction
These are not grand reforms. They are acts of repair—small, repeated gestures that slowly re-weave safety, trust, and belonging.
Re-Humanising the System
This is not just about fixing education. It is about re-humanising it.
Belonging is not a luxury. It is not a soft skill or a nice-to-have. It is a biological and psychological necessity. As humans, we are wired for connection. Without it, well-being suffers. Learning stalls. Behaviour becomes a cry for co-regulation that often goes unheard.
But with it—with real, sustained, imperfect connection—children flourish.
So Here’s the Question
Wherever you are in the world, whatever your role may be—as a teacher, parent, therapist, policymaker—I leave you with this:
What is one small act of repair you could begin today?
Not a solution for everything, but a gesture that says:
I see you. I’m here. Let’s try again.
Because the future of education—and of childhood itself—depends not on perfection, but on our willingness to come back to one another, again and again.
Note: For further insights into the concepts of rupture and repair in human development, consider exploring the works of Dr. Ed Tronick and Dr. Claudia M. Gold, including their book "The Power of Discord," which delves into how the ups and downs of relationships are the secret to building intimacy, resilience, and trust.
